I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
