remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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