I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
