i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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