I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
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She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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