my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
