I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize