At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
