She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
