we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
