I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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