Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
