gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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