Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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