Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
