i permit you to call me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
