I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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