I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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