Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
