Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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