Your tits are I can't wait for
I accidentally burped into my bong.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
