i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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