I hate your face
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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