That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
