he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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