Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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