I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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