I'm gonna have a badass scar
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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