We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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