whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Still dying that you shit outside
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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