Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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