Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
