i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
