my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
