OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
