Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
