I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
