dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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