I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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