i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
