me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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