I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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