I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
