At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
