Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
