I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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