i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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