She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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