you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
