fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
