Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
