Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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