I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
