if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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