Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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