plz talk dirty to me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
