I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
