when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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