I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My pussy is not your playground.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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