I didn't shave. On purpose
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize