the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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