u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
