KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
