Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
