It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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