nut hugger
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
