I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize