According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
