I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize