Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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