Only a mothe r could love this liver
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best