Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno