Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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