new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
this is an emotional support booty call
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.