I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again