Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.